Your mom is attempting to get her PhD in Counseling online. Which, is working out very well, actually. I do all of my homework while listening to the sweet sound of your deep breathing as you sleep in the bed next to me. But, right now, I'm falling apart at the seams! I have to take 3 classes a semester for the next several semesters so that I dont use up all of my financial aid before I finish the program. I was able to balance work, school, parenting when it was just 1 doctorate class-- however 3 doctorate classes is almost mind-numbing. I was up until 4am doing homework, got 3 hours of sleep before I had to wake up at 7am to take both of us to the doctor, then turn around and go to work! I miss you. I miss spending time with you because I have to complete 3 twenty page papers. I've decided to hire Ms. Nancy for a few extra days this next month so that I can have uninterrupted blocks of time to get work done. I think I will accomplish more since it will be uninturrpted and when Im done -- Im done! I wont be distracted by my to-do list and I can focus all on you!
I want you to know that everything that I do is for you. I want to provide a better life for you. I want us to be able to do things I didn't get to do - like go to DisneyWorld or own a pony. Ok, probably not the pony part. But I really did want a pony BAD growing up. I want to be able to give you the life you deserve -- right now, Im still working towards that. I hope you know that you are the reason that I wake up - you are the first thing on my mind when I rise and the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep. I dream about you. I wake up during the middle of the night just to stare at you. I am blessed -- I am more rich than the richest man on earth because I have you. And I want to take care of you. I want you to know that your mom will always provide for you.
Right now it's hard. It's hard because I feel so pulled. I love work and I love school -- but I love you. I feel like there are not enough hours in the day. I wonder if this mothers guilt ever goes away?
Even if I can't take you fun places as much as I want to because I have to write some beast of a paper, please know that I love you. And this is a real conflict for me. I want to be the best mom I can be, but I also want to fulfill this dream. I'm trying.
I think its best to do it now tht he does not know what's going on.he will appreciate and love you more than than you could ever love him.
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